Parental Disabilities

There are several disabilities that are unique to care-giving. I think we should lobby for equal coverage under the law. Some examples:

Shepherd's Crook Neck: caused by constantly swiveling your head when trying to keep track of multiple children in a busy playground or store.

Baby-Bounce Knee: from bouncing the fuss out of infants night after night.

Joiner Elbow: caused the first time a parent tries to lay down on the floor the way a kid does to watch TV. Sometimes fatal.

Tug-Along Shoulder: trauma of the joints due to constantly having one arm swept back while walking, due to holding hands with a child who wants to examine every pebble, twig and bug on the path.

Lullaby Back: walking and swaying, the classic cure for all ills, turns into a pain in the lumbar with even the tiniest infant, when it's done night after night.

Fisher Price Ankle: when all those active, engaging toys conspire to trap a parent's foot, often while trying to sneak out of a bedroom in the dark.

Shushed-out Throat: soreness or loss of voice due to trying to get a child to be quiet, following months of trying to get them to talk.

Angelic Moment Heart: the palpitations induced by that one bit of sweetness which causes a parent to forget the other ailments, temporarily.

I think we should move for federal coverage of the above and other maladies, in parallel with the ADA and other legislation. Afflicted parents should be given tax breaks for massages, subsidized baby sitting and a mandatory ten minutes of quiet after dinner.